


cocaine kisses at midnight

by Jules1398



Category: SKAM (Netherlands)
Genre: Cheating, Childhood Friends, Dancing, Friends to Lovers, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mutual Pining, Practice Kissing, and also slight bg janna/engel, background canon relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 13:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16119647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jules1398/pseuds/Jules1398
Summary: Lucas couldn't pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with Kes. It was more like the feelings had always been there, building up inside with each passing moment.





	cocaine kisses at midnight

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Cocaine kisses at midnight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17340023) by [MariaWolf18](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MariaWolf18/pseuds/MariaWolf18)



> i like always forget to do this but the title is based on boy band hero by emily kinney. i'm gay for her!!!  
> [come say hi or like request something](http://chloevlntine.tumblr.com/)

Lucas had been in love with his best friend for as long as he could remember. From the moment they met as children on the playground, the carefree attitude of the other boy had captured his attention, sparking an instant friendship. He had no idea when he had allowed those feelings of friendship and general admiration turn to something more, something that he shouldn’t have felt.

Perhaps he had begun to realize his feelings the first time they kissed. They were only children then, probably eleven or twelve. Okay, perhaps Lucas remembered it a little better than that. It was two weeks after his twelfth birthday.

Lucas was over at Kes’ house for a sleepover. It was the middle of the week, but it was summer, so it didn’t really matter. Kes’ family was all asleep, but the two of them were determined to stay up the entire night, so they were still awake, no matter what the hour may be.

“We should go to the pool tomorrow,” Kes suggested. “If it’s sunny, that is. If we ride our bikes, it will only take like 20 minutes to get there.”

“Are you insane? We’ll drown!” Lucas exclaimed. “After staying up all night, there’s no way we’re going to have the energy to swim tomorrow.”

“But I heard this rumor,” Kes began, sitting up and gesticulating with his hands. “I hear Sara and Mila are going to be there and they’re so cute, Lucas!”

He wrinkled his nose. “Gross. I bet they have cooties.”

Kes whacked him on the arm. “Cooties? What are you, seven? We’re practically men now, Lucas. We’re allowed to appreciate the lovely ladies that the world has offered to us.”

Lucas shrugged and stared down at his lap. “I guess I still think we’re too young to think of that stuff. It’s scary.”

“You think girls are scary?” Kes asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t know,” Lucas mumbled. “I mean we’re supposed to kiss them and stuff, but it seems gross and like what if I’m bad at it?”

Kes set a hand on his shoulder. “I think everyone is bad at it at first. Besides, you know I’ve never kissed anyone either.”

“I wish there was a way to get it over with so I don’t have to worry about my first kiss,” he sighed.

“I mean, if you want to get it over with, why don’t we just kiss?” Kes suggested. “It’ll make it better for our future girlfriends anyway.”

Lucas blinked for a moment. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Kes shrugged nonchalantly. “Why not?”

Lucas nodded and Kes leaned forward, squishing his eyes shut before pressing their lips together. It didn’t feel like much of anything other than pressure against his lips.

After about half a second Kes pulled away and started laughing. “Is that it?”

“I guess,” Lucas replied, laughing a bit along with him. “Maybe we’re just bad kissers.”

It hadn’t been much, but a part of Lucas wanted to try it again, even though he knew that was gross. Maybe it would be better next time.

He didn’t dare voice those thoughts to Kes.

* * *

Maybe he realized his feelings on Kes’ 14th birthday. His party was huge and most of the boys from their class had shown up, even the ones that Kes and Lucas didn’t really talk to all that much.

Kes was the birthday boy, so naturally, everyone flocked to him and competed for his attention, which left Lucas just kind of sitting on the side and wishing he could be a part of it all. Or at least just talk to his best friend.

The party was in Kes’ house since it was the dead of winter and they couldn’t do anything outside. Lucas crept up the stairs when nobody was looking and sat on Kes’ bed, knowing that nobody would come to bother him.

Except, a few moments later, the door slowly opened, revealing the birthday boy himself. Kes shut the door quietly and sat beside him, throwing an arm around his shoulder.

“Needed to escape?” Kes asked. “It’s screwed up. Those guys barely talk to us at school and now they’re all over us because of some pizza and birthday cake.”

“All over you,” Lucas corrected quietly. “Nobody’s talked to me like the entire party. Well, I mean except for your mom.”

Kes frowned. “I’m sorry. I’ve been so distracted that I didn’t really notice until now.”

“Is that why you’re here?” he asked, even though it probably wasn’t. Kes had probably come up here to grab something and Lucas just happened to be inside.

But he nodded. “I saw you walk upstairs and you looked upset. I was worried that it was something about stuff at home or something.”

“Nope,” Lucas replied.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel lonely,” Kes told him.

“It’s okay,” Lucas replied. “It’s your birthday.”

“That’s not an excuse,” Kes said with a shake of his head. “You’re my best friend. You always come first. No matter what.”

Lucas smiled at his best friend’s words. “You come first for me too.”

“Screw those losers downstairs,” he said. “Let’s hang out up here until Mom calls me down for cake. If they can’t chill with my best friend, then they don’t get to chill with me.”

They belonged together, as best friends. It was Lucas and Kes against the world and nobody could get in the way of that.

* * *

Lucas was definitely certain that he was in love with Kes once he had started dating Olivia. He remembered the sick feeling that settled in his stomach when they were flirting that only worsened all the time. When they started dating, he could feel the jealousy burning away at his heart. He had no right to be jealous. Kes wasn’t his and he never would be.

“I think I’m going to kiss her soon,” Kes whispered to Lucas. They were lying awake on Lucas’ bed, staring up at the ceiling and just talking.

“You haven’t kissed her before?” Lucas asked, a bit surprised. Kes and Olivia had been going out for a few weeks now.

He heard his friend shake his head beside him. “The only person I’ve kissed is you and I’m not sure that even counts.”

“Why wouldn’t it count?” Lucas asked. He decided to try something, unsure of what Kes would say. “Because we’re both guys?”

“Nah,” Kes replied. “We were dumb kids and we didn’t even do it right. I mean, of course we didn’t. We were dumb kids.”

“Do you know how to do it?” Lucas asked.

“I mean, I think so. Probably,” Kes replied. “But the thing is, Olivia kissed Markus at his Halloween party last year. What if he’s better than me?”

“He won’t be,” Lucas assured him, half hoping that Markus was better and Olivia would end things because of it, even though that was completely irrational. “He was just some guy. You’re Olivia’s  _ boyfriend _ .”

“Lucas, that doesn’t change my kissing abilities.”

“I mean there’s not much you can do about it,” Lucas pointed out. “The only way to get better at something is to practice it.”

Kes grabbed his arm and looked over to him, a grin on his face. “Lucas, you’re a genius?”

He raised his eyebrows. “I am?”

The other boy nodded. “The only way to get better is to practice, right. So, let’s practice!”

Lucas blinked at him for a moment. He wanted to kiss Kes more than anything in the world, but he didn’t really have the right to. “Isn’t that like cheating or something?”

“You’re my best friend. It doesn’t count,” Kes replied. “Besides, what Olivia doesn’t know isn’t going to hurt her, right?”

“Right,” he said slowly. “So, like, how do we do this?”

“Let me do it,” Kes insisted.

He just nodded in reply, not able to summon enough words to form a sentence.

Kes propped himself up on one arm and Lucas gulped, half expecting to wake up at any moment.

The other boy leaned over and pressed their lips together. Lucas’ eyes fluttered closed as Kes probed his mouth open with his tongue. It was kind of awkward. Their noses kept bumping and their teeth clashed more than once, but Lucas liked it. He really liked it.

When Kes pulled away, he half expected that he would break into laughter like he had last time, but he didn’t. Instead, he just smiled. “How was that?”

“It was good,” Lucas panted. “Olivia is going to love it.”

Kes’ smiled falter. “Yeah,” he said in an unreadable tone. “I hope so.”

“She will,” Lucas insisted.

“Can we just go to bed now?” Kes asked.

He reached for the lamp and turned it off, sending the room into darkness and leaving Lucas alone with the thoughts that he wished that he didn’t have.

* * *

When Kes and Isa started dating, Lucas started to truly realize the magnitude of his love for the other boy. Their relationship had been a mess when it started due to the fact that Kes was still dating her best friend.

Kes kept claiming that he did it out of love and while he felt bad for cheating on Olivia, real love always prevails. Lucas knew that was complete bullshit. He should have broken up with Olivia before approaching Isa and she shouldn’t have kissed her best friend’s boyfriend. He didn’t dare voice this to his friend.

He liked Isa better than Olivia anyway. Isa hung out with them a lot more and seemed more accepting of Kes and Lucas’ close friendship. Though, maybe Olivia had been right to be wary of their closeness. They had practiced their kissing a few more times while he had been dating her.

Unfortunately, that practicing had come to a close. Maybe they outgrew it. Maybe Kes just cared more about Isa. Either way, it was over.

Really, the big issue now was Kes’ new friend, Jayden. They were into some sketchy shit and they didn’t exactly keep Lucas in the loop all the time. Sometimes it felt like he was losing his best friend.

Lucas was grateful when Kes allowed him to come with to the cottage. A week hanging out with Kes and Isa seemed nice, even though he knew that he was crashing their couple’s trip.

He and Isa sat out on the lawn and watched Kes swim, both of them enjoying the sight of the water dripping off of his pecs and onto his abs.

Isa was acting weird. She suspected that something was going on between Kes and Olivia and obviously knew they were texting. It was dumb. Kes would never cheat on her, especially for Olivia of all people. After all, he wasn’t even kissing Lucas anymore.

Lucas chose not to diffuse her suspicions, even if it did make him a bad friend.

Kes came back and flopped onto Isa’s lap. SHe grumpily pushed him off and he sat on the table between them. Not wanting to deal with their shit, Lucas offered to get them some beer.

When he came back beers in hand and radio blasting that song Lucas liked by Kings of Convenience, Kes was sitting in his seat.

He uncapped Kes’ beer and got a playful “Thanks, babe.” in response. He chose to ignore how that made him feel so that his friends wouldn’t notice. He should be used to it by now. Kes was always pretty affectionate with him.

Lucas handed Isa her beer as well, but she still seemed upset with Kes. Obviously, they hadn’t talked anything over while he was gone.

“What is this?” Kes asked. “What fucking kind of music is this?”

Lucas took a sip of his icy beer. “A song. A fucking good song.” He wasn’t ashamed over his taste in music, even if Kes gave him shit about it.

Kes gestured toward the radio. “That’s gay music, dude.”

“Is it gay music?” he asked, maintaining a straight face. Yet another reminder that Kes was straighter than a fucking board.

“Yeah, you can hear it, can’t you,” Kes replied.

He forced a smile and reached down toward Kes because if it was gay music maybe, just for the length of the song, he was allowed to be gay. “Why don’t you come and dance? Come on.”

Kes moved away for a second but eventually took Lucas’ hand and allowed him to help him up and drag him to a more open spot.

Lucas started by just grabbing Kes’ hands and swaying to the music, but the other boy stepped forward and pressed their foreheads together. Lucas gazed into his best friend’s chocolate brown eyes, which looked just as soft as they always had.

“Oh, you’re getting this close?” Lucas teased, worried that Kes would call him out on his staring.

“Yeah, I’m getting this close,” Kes replied, driving their hands outward so their bodies were in full contact and burying his face in Lucas’ neck as they continued to sway.

_ “I could never belong to you,”  _ the radio sung and, fuck, maybe Lucas didn’t like this song as much as he thought he did mere moments before/

It just wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Kes was attractive and nice and he did shit like this, but he was completely straight. Lucas was fated to be alone.

Kes pulled their arms apart and wrapped one around the back of his head and, god, if Isa wasn’t sitting there watching, he’d be half tempted to kiss him right then and there.

Maybe it was possible. Maybe Lucas wasn’t just making all this shit up for the benefit of his own heart.

“Shhh,” Kes whispered and Lucas laughed and pushed his way out of his friend’s arms.

He walked back and lightly tapped Isa with his foot before sitting down and Lucas came rushing back to reality. Kes wasn’t his. Kes didn’t belong to him.

She said something about eating hot dogs and then everything was back to normal. Lucas was back to pretending.

* * *

Lucas loved Kes in the little things. He loved his laugh. He loved that he had strong opinions about society and didn’t allow himself to be silenced. He loved that he was always open to helping people when they needed it.

And then there were the moments. Those moments that remind him why he’s been agonizing over Kes for all these years.

Like when they played video games in Kes’ bedroom and he let him lean his head on his shoulder as they continued to play. Lucas would spare glances at the other boy, who was enamored by the game in front of him. Sometimes, very rarely, he would stare up and find Kes staring down at him, making them both freeze for a moment or two. Neither of them ever said anything about it.

Or like those times where Lucas rode on Kes’ fancy electric scooter, his arms wrapped tightly around his torso to remain stable. Occasionally, Lucas would bury his face in the hair on the back of Kes’ neck, taking in his scent, a mixture of aftershave, faint conditioner, and pine. Kes never said anything about that either.

Or like those late night sleepovers which had become increasingly common ever since Kes and Isa had split. The sleepovers where the nights always seemed to end with their lips pressed together and Lucas’ hands tangled in Kes’ shirt, explained away with the same excuse as always: practice. Sometimes it was just one kiss. Other times Lucas lost count.

They never talked about it in the morning.

Lucas always walked home feeling more confused than the time before. He knew that Kes probably just wanted to practice. He knew that Kes didn’t know that he was into him. How could he?

* * *

In the end, it was Jayden who changed things. Fucking Jayden, who made Lucas want to fucking throw himself off a cliff whenever he opened his mouth or worse, dragged Kes away.

“What’s up with you and Kes?” Jayden asked, taking a puff from the joint he was smoking and offering it to Lucas.

He waved it away. He was planning on going home for the first time in a week and if his mom smelled weed on him she’d flip the fuck out.

“Nothing,” he replied.

Jayden took another hit and shook his head. “Nah, bro. You guys have been weird lately. Like, weirder than normal. At first, I thought it was all because he and Isa broke up and your fearsome threesome situation got fucked up.”

“Our what?” Lucas asked with raised eyebrows. He also didn’t have the heart to tell Jayden that “fearsome” and “threesome” didn’t quite rhyme.

Jayden gave him a weird look. “Sorry, were you not all sleeping together?” he asked. “I mean like he was dating the chick but the two of you were always pretty close. And, like I said, you and Kes have always been weird.”

“What?” he squeaked. “You thought Kes and I- Me and Kes. He doesn’t even like guys!”  
“But you do?” Jayden asked, a smirk on his face.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Nah, man, you’re fine, dude. Suck all the dick you want as long as it’s not mine,” Jayden said, putting out the blunt and tucking it back into his bag for later. “Kes definitely likes dudes though, bro. We went to this party a few weeks ago while you were doing dinner with your dad and he was all over this one guy. Kind of looked like you, now that I think of it.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t mean he likes guys,” Lucas protested. “I mean he kisses me all the time but it means nothing. Maybe Kes was just drunk or high. Or maybe they were just practicing.”

Jayden raised his eyebrows. “Practicing?”

Lucas nodded. “Yeah, when you want to get better at kissing so you practice with your best friend. Honestly, girls do it all the time. I saw Janna and Engel doing it at a party once.”

“I think I might need to pull that joint back out,” Jayden sighed. “Honestly, I thought I was the dumb one. Janna and Engel are literally lezzing out together!”

He winced. “I don’t think that’s the technical term. In fact, I think that’s incredibly offensive. If you told Janna that, she’d fucking punch you in the face.”

“Not if I offered her weed,” Jayden replied. “You know I got the good shit.”

“She’d still punch you and then she’d smoke a joint with you,” Lucas amended. “But I really don’t think she would be okay with it.”

“You’re missing the point!” Jayden exclaimed. “The point is that you and Kes want to do it like dudes do together! And I don’t want to know the details, but you should get that ass, bro. Or his dick. Whichever you prefer, but don’t tell me which.”

Lucas nodded. “I should talk to him.”

“Yeah, you’ve got this, my man!” Jayden cheered.

“I’m going to go right now,” Lucas said, starting off toward Kes’ house.

“Wait!” Jayden called.

He turned around.

“I actually do kind of want to know,” he told him. “Like who would put the balls in whose goal?”

“What the fuck?” Lucas asked, giving Jayden a weird look. “I’m just going to leave and, please, never speak again.”

“Hey, you needed me to speak!” he called as Lucas walked away. 

He reached back to flip him off. Jayden was annoying as fuck, but maybe he was good for something.

* * *

When he knocked on Kes’ door, his mom answered and said that he wasn’t home, so Lucas headed for the next place that he would be. The skate park.

By some stroke of luck, Kes was the only skater there that evening. Maybe because it was kind of a chilly night and they had school the next day.

Kes saw him and immediately skated over. “Where’s your board?”

“I’m not here to skate,” Lucas told him.

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Lucas, you are aware that this is a skatepark, right? People don’t typically come here to walk and shit.”

“I’m here for you, idiot.” He managed a half-smile as he looked up to meet Kes’ eyes.

“Did something happ-”

“I don’t want to do any more practice kissing,” Lucas blurted out. “I want to do real kissing or no kissing. Well, I don’t want to stop kissing, but I can’t manage this anymore. I like you, Kes. Fuck, I don’t mean that. I guess what I want to say as I love- I’m in love with you.”

He silently cursed his own awkwardness. He had practiced that conversation in his head thousands of times, but he still fucked it up beyond repair.

Kes skated closer, stopping so the front of his board was between Lucas’ feet. He set his hands on his shoulder and pulled forward the last few centimeters, so their mouths were only a breath apart.

“This isn’t practice,” he breathed.

Leaning forward, Kes kissed Lucas again. They had done this before. Fuck, all that fucking practicing had been for this moment. And this time it was different. This time Lucas let himself feel.

This time it was real.


End file.
